Children communicate in a variety of ways. We all hope that our child will talk. When this doesn’t happen then we look at how he can get his point across. Here are some ways that he may tell you something. Let’s use playing with bubbles to explore these non-verbal means of communication.

Physical manipulation:

• Your child will manipulate your body to make a request.
• He may take your hand on put it on the bubbles to ask you to blow some.

Giving:

• The children will hand you an object.
• Your child may hand you the bottle of bubbles to ask you to open it.

Pointing:

• The child will point to a desired item that is out of reach.
• If the bubbles are on the shelf, then the child might point to them to ask to play.

Gaze shift

• The child will look at a desired item.
• The child may look at the bubbles after looking at you. Aksing you to blow some.

Facial expression

• The child will change their facial expression to happiness or sadness
• This will clue you into a yes or no response when you ask, “Do you want bubbles?”

As you can see, your child is telling you a lot. Watch and interpret his expression. Have fun and watch the communication expand!

When we get upset and cry, we all have trouble thinking of the right words to convey our thoughts. Your child has a hard time communicating when she is crying and upset too. Help your child by giving her a script.

A script gives her the words to convey her thoughts and to get what she needs. It is very simple. Just a sentence or a word to get what she needs.

Here is a script for a new “big sister” who is very jealous of her new baby brother.

Mommy says: “Ava, if you want a hug, say ‘Hug me Mommy’”.

This is great for those times when Ava is frustrated during play:

Daddy says: “Ava, if you need help say ‘Help’”

Help your child learn through repetition. Say a word over and over. Say it slowly and clearly. Use the word in a sentence. Say it again. Say it until you are blue in the face. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Children need a lot of repetition to learn. A child who is a late talker probably needs more repetition.

Here is an example of how to repeat during snack time:

Milk and cookies!

This milk is good.

Mmmm, cold milk.

Jack is drinking milk.

Will has milk.

Mommy has milk.

Milk!

I like milk.

Maybe your child will join in and say “milk”!

Maybe he already is telling you something. Just not with words.

We get our point across in many ways.

• A quick glance to let a friend know not to say something.
• A facial expression to communicate disappointment. Pointing to a preferred item when we have laryngitis.
• Grabbing someone’s hand when we are scared.
• Handing your spouse the bottle that you cannot open while continuing to talk about other things.

These ways of communicating are all without words. We are not talking but we are conveying a meaning.

Help your child get his point across. Interpret his non-verbal communication.

• If he hands you the remote control, does he want to watch TV?
• If he throws himself on the floor, maybe he doesn’t want to eat the broccoli.
• If he walks to the cabinet where the popcorn is kept then looks at you, give him the popcorn.
• If he grabs your hand and starts walking, see where he leads you. Then do what you think he wants.

By giving meaning to your child’s non-verbal communication, you help him to become an effective communicator. Give it a try, you may decrease the tears and increase the good times that you have together.

Reading is a great learning activity. You can begin reading very simple books to your child at a very early age. A child’s attention span is short so pick books with few words and great pictures.

Children “read” books by playing with them and turning the pages quickly. When you read with your child she will want to do this too. To make this a learning opportunity, take control. Hold the book. Expect your child to wait until you are finished with the page to turn the page. Make it interactive by using simple directions such as “wait” and “turn the page”.

Your child will quickly learn the “rules” of this new book game. This will make reading more fun and interactive.

Reading is enjoyable. It is relaxing. We learn from reading. Learning is usually not why most children like to listen to books. Children like reading because it is fun. As a bonus, they get to spend time with you, a person they love.

To make reading more fun for you and your children here are some ideas:

Let your child hold the book.

Take your time.

Comment on the pictures.

Point to the pictures as you talk about them.

Read slowly. Your child may even attempt to &read& with you by repeating the words.

Be silly and enjoy the interaction.

Most important of all…have fun and enjoy this time with your child!

As a specialist in Childhood Early Intervention, I often get asked by parents, “What’s the most important thing I can do to help my child”? While my answer may vary based on the specific situation, the usual answer is: be the leader.

This may seem simple and trite, but I assure you that it’s not. Being the leader is not easy. The reason it’s not easy is because it involves doing what is appropriate for the situation, not what makes the parent comfortable.

For example, I did an evaluation with a 3 year old with language problems. The child was an extremely assertive boy who would point to what he wanted, but did not speak. His parents, trying to encourage him, would get whatever he pointed to and praise him. They were so eager to make him speak, that they encouraged every gesture he made. This was fine and made everyone feel good, but it also “rewarded” the child for not speaking. Why should he speak? He was getting everything he needed just by pointing. In this case, being the leader involved not rewarding the pointing behavior every time. This was difficult for the parents, who were very nurturing and wanted to recognize every time their child did something. The appropriate thing for the parent to “be the leader” in this situation was to not reward the child every time they gestured.

As another example, I worked with a 4 year old child who could use words but could not put them into meaningful sentences. This girl was eager to please, with an easy-going nature to her. She would literally do everything she was told. When the parents told her to do something, she did it immediately. However, when the parents weren’t there to instruct, the child did not put together the sentences. In this case, “being the leader” involved letting the child figure things out on her own, and not providing so much instruction. This worked, but it was very difficult for the parents to do. They always felt compelled to provide direction. But they did what was appropriate for the situation and for their child.

It’s not easy for the parent to be the leader with their child. It involves identifying the current situation appropriately and analyzing what is needed to make a change. Every parent I work with has the best of intentions, and only wants what’s best for their child. Sometimes it involved doing something that is not second nature to the parent.

I hear this often. “I know what my child talks but he won’t ask me for things.”

If you know what your child wants, WAIT for him to ask. Give him the opportunity and your undivided attention then WAIT. Count to ten, sing a song, go over the grocery list in your head… WAIT!

Children who are learning to use words need more time to formulate a thought. Most times, parents aren’t giving their child enough time to initiate or respond. Waiting sounds easy, but it is not.

When your child is reaching for her milk, you may say “use your words”. Great. But then, you say, “milk, milk, here is the milk, you want milk”. This is a great way to model language but it does not allow your child any time to make the request.

Instead, when you say “use your words”, WAIT.  Count to ten, then provide help if needed.  Give her extra time and WAIT!